Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Single On Valentine’s Day

“Babe, please! Gimme another chance, doll!”

“Babe, please! Gimme another chance, doll!”

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She’s over it, dirtbag!

“You are alone because you are incapable of loving and being loved.”

“You are alone because you are incapable of loving and being loved.”

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Honesty is not what they need to hear right now.

“Wow, weren’t you also alone for Christmas?”

“Wow, weren’t you also alone for Christmas?”

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Why not mention their birthday, too, while you’re fucking at it?

“I could set you up with my son. He’s a huge loser, too.”

“I could set you up with my son. He’s a huge loser, too.”

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At least show them a picture first.

“It must be so hard for you to watch us have sex today.”

“It must be so hard for you to watch us have sex today.”

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The deal was that they would sit in the corner and watch. Chitchat costs extra.

“Ack!”

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No, that’s their line.

“hello you are so beautiful i know you are the most beautiful woman i have ever scene i would be so inlove if i could see picture of your feets i see your face and smile are so incredable beautiful hot smile with wonderful soul but the only thing to make happiness in me is a picture of your feet.”

“hello you are so beautiful i know you are the most beautiful woman i have ever scene i would be so inlove if i could see picture of your feets i see your face and smile are so incredable beautiful hot smile with wonderful soul but the only thing to make happiness in me is a picture of your feet.”

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It’s hard to tell if you’re even a real person.

“Really? I have two boyfriends.”

“Really? I have two boyfriends.”

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No one wants to hear that you’re not only attached, but you’ve got a partner to spare.

“Have you tried falling in love?”

“Have you tried falling in love?”

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He doesn’t believe in love anymore. Not after she left…

“Sorry, I can’t hang out. I’m going to be sucking and fucking the love of my life tonight.”

“Sorry, I can’t hang out. I’m going to be sucking and fucking the love of my life tonight.”

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A simple “I’m busy” would suffice.

“Valentine’s Day was actually just a marketing gimmick invented by Hellmann’s to sell more mayonnaise.”

“Valentine’s Day was actually just a marketing gimmick invented by Hellmann’s to sell more mayonnaise.”

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That still doesn’t diminish the importance society places upon the holiday.

“It’s okay. I’m also single because I’m insane.”

“It’s okay. I’m also single because I’m insane.”

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While this may be comforting to some, most people don’t want to be reminded of their own mental shortcomings when it comes to dating.

“Battery Low”

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Great, not even their vibrator wants to fuck them.

“Our song is the slamming screen door / Sneakin’ out late, tapping on your window / When we’re on the phone and you talk real slow / ‘Cause it’s late and your mama don’t know.”

“Our song is the slamming screen door / Sneakin’ out late, tapping on your window / When we’re on the phone and you talk real slow / ‘Cause it’s late and your mama don’t know.”

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Shut the fuck up, Taylor. Not now.

“Happy Galentine’s Day”

“Happy Galentine’s Day”

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She doesn’t have any female friends, either, you jerk!

“Being single is not a real problem, and I’m fucking sick of hearing you complain about it.”

“Being single is not a real problem, and I’m fucking sick of hearing you complain about it.”

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Just keep nodding and saying sorry; It’ll be your turn to talk soon.

“Maybe if you got a really cool fish tank you would be more appealing to potential partners?”

“Maybe if you got a really cool fish tank you would be more appealing to potential partners?”

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Listen, we all know how cool a 12-gallon aquarium with LED lights would be, but it’s not in everyone’s budget.

“You’re very far down on the kidney donor list—do you have anyone in your life who might be a match?”

“You’re very far down on the kidney donor list—do you have anyone in your life who might be a match?”

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Oof, no need to remind them that they don’t have a life partner.

“I swear to fucking God I’ll shoot if you don’t give me your wallet right now!”

“I swear to fucking God I’ll shoot if you don’t give me your wallet right now!”

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Robbing someone at gunpoint is never a nice thing to do, but not having a lover to run home to sob into the arms of makes it all the worse.

“Every day is Valentine’s Day when you’re in love.”

“Every day is Valentine’s Day when you’re in love.”

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No, it isn’t. Valentine’s Day is only on Feb. 14, regardless of your relationship status. They’re single, not stupid.

“Over time, you’ll grow more accustomed to your agonizing loneliness.”

“Over time, you’ll grow more accustomed to your agonizing loneliness.”

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It’s not encouraging to tell someone their despair will eventually almost feel like a friend.

“Did you know 90% of currently spoken languages ​​will have become extinct by 2050?”

“Did you know 90% of currently spoken languages ​​will have become extinct by 2050?”

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Being alone on Valentine’s Day is sad enough without having to be reminded of the ongoing threats to linguistic traditions across the globe.

“Don’t worry. People will definitely want to have sex with your body after you’re dead.”

“Don’t worry. People will definitely want to have sex with your body after you’re dead.”

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While you may think you’re making them feel better, assuring someone that people will one day dig up their corpse and have sex with it is only comforting to necrophiliacs.

“The Unabomber was right.”

“The Unabomber was right.”

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While this may stand on its merits, it might be more helpful to see whether your single friend is making it through the day okay.

“Ever since I stole your husband, you’ve been way less fun to hang out with.”

“Ever since I stole your husband, you’ve been way less fun to hang out with.”

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Just because you won fair and square doesn’t mean you have to rub it in on Valentine’s Day.

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