Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

If you’re a weak-ass pussy bitch who is actually considering standing up for yourself, it’s important to be prepared. Here are several phrases to avoid saying when confronting a bully.

“I won’t stand for this.”

“I won’t stand for this.”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

Bullies have excellent comedic timing and they won’t miss the chance to lay you out.

“I’m telling your parents.”

“I’m telling your parents.”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

Solid chance you’ll just be bringing in bigger and more experienced bullies by doing this.

“This kind of behavior will only help you get everything you want throughout your life.”

“This kind of behavior will only help you get everything you want throughout your life.”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

You can at least take solace in the fact that you went to school with a future CEO or Supreme Court justice.

“I’ll give you the names of 10 weaker people you can bully instead.”

“I’ll give you the names of 10 weaker people you can bully instead.”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

They’ll take you up on that and then continue right where they left off.

“You can take my lunch money, but know that it may not be enough due to inflation.”

“You can take my lunch money, but know that it may not be enough due to inflation.”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

Bullies are going to get even more upset once they hear about the inflation crisis.

“I should warn you, in my Dungeons & Dragons group I’m a level nine red mage.”

“I should warn you, in my Dungeons & Dragons group I’m a level nine red mage.”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

All bullies have a class ability that gives them 100% resistance to imaginary fire spells.

“I fit into this locker perfectly!”

“I fit into this locker perfectly!”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

Really? You’re going to admit to your bully that you’re shaped exactly like a locker?

“I can get you a pre-owned Camry for $4,000 less than any dealership.”

“I can get you a pre-owned Camry for $4,000 less than any dealership.”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

This might save your life in the moment, but you’d better have a plan when the bully rolls up with a down payment.

“Go ahead, I deserve this.”

“Go ahead, I deserve this.”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

When you make a bully pity you, they actually hit you harder for forcing them to feel human.

“Let’s join forces and kill the principal.”

“Let’s join forces and kill the principal.”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

This may scare off potential co-conspirators.

“Please let me return to my stable home life.”

“Please let me return to my stable home life.”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

Bullies don’t want to hear that other people have well-adjusted families!

“Officer, please stop! I’m not resisting.”

“Officer, please stop! I’m not resisting.”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

Your best bet is to hope the dash cam footage goes viral on Twitter.

“Can I get a letter of recommendation?”

“Can I get a letter of recommendation?”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

The person responsible for making you feel small every single day is not the one to help you get into ​Wesleyan.

“You caught me just in time, I was just about to go to the bathroom to give myself a swirlie.”

“You caught me just in time, I was just about to go to the bathroom to give myself a swirlie.”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

Don’t make yourself known as the kid who loves swirlies, it’s just going to make things worse.

“Thank you so much, I’ve grown a lot in my time at this company.”

“Thank you so much, I’ve grown a lot in my time at this company.”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

Exposing yourself as a self-sacrificing defender of capitalism makes you look like a weenie.

“Have you gained weight since my last beatdown?”

“Have you gained weight since my last beatdown?”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

You deserve the ass-kicking you’re about to receive.

“You’re just like James Van Der Beek in the 1995 coming of age film Angus!”

“You’re just like James Van Der Beek in the 1995 coming of age film Angus!”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

Because of JVDB’s later work in TV and film, they will assume that’s a good thing.

“You’re not a good enough bully to light a fire under me to create something great.”

“You’re not a good enough bully to light a fire under me to create something great.”

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

They aren’t going to want to hear they won’t be a source of inspiration to your budding music career or one-man show.

Anything

Image for article titled Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

You got something to say? Huh? Do you? We didn’t think so. Now shut the fuck up and give us your money.

.

Leave a Comment